Most of the time, I love being a woman. Being a woman entitles me to certain joys and privileges, believe it or not. However, tonight I got smacked in the face with one of the disadvantages of being a woman. It's Friday night and it's fall. Apple cider, football and seeing your breath in the air bless this time of year. So, what do I want to do? I want to go watch East St. Louis High School play Edwardsville High School in what I am calling the "game of the century." East St. Louis is undefeated. The game is the last game at home for East St. Louis and also homecoming. If they win, they remain at the top of the conference alone. If they lose, East St. Louis would be in a four-way tie for the top spot. Yes, it would have been some good football to see.
But guess what? I didn't go. I asked many of my friends. Some weren't interested, others couldn't make it. But who cares, after all, I could go by myself, right? I was all but out the door when someone stopped to ask me, "Are you going alone?" Ummm, yeah, I thought, no big deal. I guess that's where I was wrong. Apparently going to East St. Louis alone at night as a woman isn't the best idea, I was told. As a journalist and person I put a lot of faith and trust in people. I've walked places in Costa Rica late at night with more money and camera equipment than I ever should have. I've done the same in many U.S. cities. I've always told myself that "the scary stuff" can happen anywhere, whether in East St. Louis or your yuppy backyard, and that you cannot live your life in fear. Call me naive, but I'm sure I could have gone and been fine. Ordinarily, I would have just gone, but something inside me told me to wise up. Suddenly, being cautious felt okay, at least for tonight.
So instead I went downtown to a gallery crawl on Washington Avenue. It was no East St. Louis football game, but, well, I'm safe. Still, I feel somewhat jipped. It's hard to know that if I were a guy I would have crossed the river and seen Jessie Mitchell of East St. Louis recover a fumble at the 50-yard-line with 4 minutes, 30 seconds left in the game. In the final four seconds of the game I would have also seen Jerrell McDaniel intercept a pass to bring East St. Louis to a 21-17 homecoming victory. I even missed the kicking of a 51-yard field goal. Yes, this is high school football I'm talking about! Maybe I should have taken the risk, maybe next time I will. Regardless, I'll always be a woman, and, in the end, I recognize that, live with that and embrace that.
But guess what? I didn't go. I asked many of my friends. Some weren't interested, others couldn't make it. But who cares, after all, I could go by myself, right? I was all but out the door when someone stopped to ask me, "Are you going alone?" Ummm, yeah, I thought, no big deal. I guess that's where I was wrong. Apparently going to East St. Louis alone at night as a woman isn't the best idea, I was told. As a journalist and person I put a lot of faith and trust in people. I've walked places in Costa Rica late at night with more money and camera equipment than I ever should have. I've done the same in many U.S. cities. I've always told myself that "the scary stuff" can happen anywhere, whether in East St. Louis or your yuppy backyard, and that you cannot live your life in fear. Call me naive, but I'm sure I could have gone and been fine. Ordinarily, I would have just gone, but something inside me told me to wise up. Suddenly, being cautious felt okay, at least for tonight.
So instead I went downtown to a gallery crawl on Washington Avenue. It was no East St. Louis football game, but, well, I'm safe. Still, I feel somewhat jipped. It's hard to know that if I were a guy I would have crossed the river and seen Jessie Mitchell of East St. Louis recover a fumble at the 50-yard-line with 4 minutes, 30 seconds left in the game. In the final four seconds of the game I would have also seen Jerrell McDaniel intercept a pass to bring East St. Louis to a 21-17 homecoming victory. I even missed the kicking of a 51-yard field goal. Yes, this is high school football I'm talking about! Maybe I should have taken the risk, maybe next time I will. Regardless, I'll always be a woman, and, in the end, I recognize that, live with that and embrace that.
4 comments:
You should have called me, I would have gone with you!
i would have called you but i don't know who you are. who are you, e?
lliott
My parents let me go to Ecuador without them when I was 12, but they still won't let me go to East St. Louis, even with a pack of friends.
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